Recovering from Christianity

My name is Sherise Greathouse, and I am a recovering Christian. This is my story:

Growing up I heard all the stories of baby Jesus and how he died for my sins.  As a child I didn’t really understand the concept of a sin and why someone needed to die for them.  Unlike a lot of children my age my parents didn’t make me go to church.  That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t exposed to Christianity or the story of Jesus.  Most of my friends would talk about going to church on Sunday and all the friends that they had made there.  I started to long for those friendships too.  So when I was a young teen I started visiting friends youth groups.  I was exposed the bible.  At first I was inspired by the story.  I was inspired by the miracles and the thought of an afterlife.  I was drawn to the companionship of the youth group.

In my mid teens I wasn’t really focused on religion. I was too busy acting out and rebelling against my parents.  In one of my darker moments I remembered the friendships I felt when I attended youth group.  So I attended a Christian retreat and ended up opening my soul to them. Looking for acceptance and forgiveness for the mistakes I had made.  At first I felt love and acceptance. I even went as far as to work on the next retreat. I mentored young girls in their quest to find Jesus. As time went on I started to realize that I never really knew the people around me. When I really looked all I found were people who were judging me behind my back.  I found judgement from people who were supposed to be “good Christians.”  I found people who liked to pretend that they had all the answers.

During this time I started to question my “faith.” I started to read the bible again.  All I could find was a good story.   But within this story there were too many contradictions.  I couldn’t ignore the facts.  The magical story that I had read was a lie. After coming to this realization I felt grounded.  I knew that I didn’t need some all knowing being telling me how should live and that there is some magical kingdom waiting for me.  I still have a longing for companionship and friendship.  But I want to be friends with people because they like me for who I am, not who I believe in.

Whether you believe in Jesus or are an Atheist like me, we all have choices in life.  I learned right and wrong from my parents.  I will continue to do what is right because I want to leave this earth a better place.  I don’t do it because of a promise of eternal happiness.  I want to accomplish something for humanity not a made up God.

I feel like I have come full circle.  As a child I couldn’t understand the concept of sin and why someone needed to die for them. I still don’t, no one is perfect.  We all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Those mistakes are what shape us into the adults we become.  It is freeing knowing that my actions are my own and that I don’t have someone’s death on my shoulders.  No one needs to die for me to know that I should treat people with respect, love, kindness, and equally.